Have you ever heard of Dr. Gary Chapman's best selling book "The 5 Love Languages?" I'm sure most of you have, but if you haven't, it's a very interesting perspective on how we show and share love. I was first introduced to Dr. Chapman in college while taking psychology classes, and it opened up a new way of thinking about relationships. To sum up his opinion he believes that there are five basic ways that we show and receive love. The challenging part of his perspective is that we should understand what our partner's, child's, friend's love language is in order to understand how they are sharing love. To me, that's the hardest part of relationships- platonic or intimate. Taking ourselves out of our own bubble- so to speak- and really thinking about those around us. It's so easy to get upset when your partner isn't showing you love (the way YOU show love) when in actuality they could be showing love in THEIR way. For example, my husband's love language is acts of service. He shows the boys and I that he cares for us by doing things for us. During the Rona, he's cut down trees to make more sunlight in our house, he's painted rooms, he's redone the flooring in the boys' bathroom, he's helped rearrange furniture in several rooms, he repurposed all the door knobs and ceiling fans in our house- the list goes on. While I'm very grateful for all that he's done, I wouldn't have even noticed (for example) that the baseboards in the living room didn't match. My two main love languages are receiving gifts (which to me means giving gifts) and words of affirmation. Now- if I didn't have an understanding that my husband was showing us all that he loves us by doing acts of service- I would be hurt because he isn't giving me little gifts to show that he cares or giving words of affirmation. The tricky part is that acts of service is the lowest on my love language scale. (You can take a quiz on the 5 love language website- I'll post the link at the end of this blog). While I appreciate all my husband has done for us, and I know he's showing his love- it is REALLY hard for me to show him that I care- using his love language. But I do and gently remind him of my love languages. Wouldn't it be easy if we both shared the same love language? In the ocean of the Rona- how are we sharing and receiving love? Does the Rona make it harder or easier to show and receive love? I guess that's a question we all have to ponder.
Those of you who know me well- know that giving gifts is how I show I love you. Nothing makes me happier than finding or making the perfect gift and giving that gift. I shop for special occasions all year long. During the Rona, I've started projects that will be given as gifts for Christmas and have even started the boys on projects for the holidays as well. Life has slowed down and now we have time to reengage in those interests of ours that got lost in the shuffle of life. If this Rona has taught me one thing- it's that my life was TOO BUSY and TOO CHAOTIC. Too busy to create a thoughtful gift for a love one. Too chaotic to enjoy a hobby that was once a favorite pastime. That's not acceptable to me anymore.... But in the meantime- we do have time to share our "gifts" with each other and share our love languages.
One of my favorite pastimes is sewing and I'm so grateful to have the time to create projects again. I'm also so grateful to be doing something on my sewing machine that is needed, while showing my family and friends that I love them. I know I'm just one of the many people making face masks, but it gives me some purpose, while doing something I love, while giving them to my friends and family as a way to show my love. WIN WIN!! I can't say enough great things about Joann Fabrics. They have done a bang up job in making materials available to create masks (they even have free materials to make a few masks and then they collect the finished product and give them away) If you go to their website (I'll include the link at the end) they have materials categorized by mask making materials, including curbside pick up and videos and PDF instructions on how to make different styles of masks. Before Easter, I made a curbside pick up. It was so easy and quick. The sales person came out to my car with my bag of goodies, but also an extra bag. She asked me if I wanted a free gift (the women whose love language is receiving gifts?) oh heck yeah!! When I got home- and opened the bag- it felt like Christmas. Joann Fabrics showed that they cared for their customers by giving gifts! Brilliant! Maybe today, on this dreary, rainy day we can give some thought to how we show love and receive love, think about your loved ones, co-workers, and maybe even customers (if you have any) and try to show them some love the way they receive love. You may find it harder than it sounds.
Much love and gratitude
My beautiful friend Jen with the face mask I made her (we all having matching masks) Also lots of gratitude to her and all the health care workers.
5 Love Languages:
This is the Year.....
I've never written a blog- never considered writing one, but I'm feeling compelled. Why? Well, I think this would be a great place to blog my forty ninth year. Yep- 49. I keep telling everyone that I am having a hard time with this age, but the person who I feel the worst for is my mom. She will have a daughter, that in 2020 will turn 50.